


everything goes

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Moving Out, Post-Break Up, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25799305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: johnny looks back on the poems jaehyun sent. he noticed that at one point, the words stopped being about him.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	everything goes

**Author's Note:**

> before you proceed in reading this, i would like to say that this is a work of fiction and the characters in my story does not reflect the actual people involved. and i do not in any way, condone cheating. thank you!

[Music ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6z8W73OeBhTKpm8HG12RF1?si=t4D-uvnpQiSmTXk5Qd9TTg)

One of the most beautiful things in life is the freedom to interpretation. The depiction of bright colors representing liveliness, the assumption that straight lines and curves represented something far deeper than what was shown. 

Everything can be interpreted which is beautiful, but that simply meant anything could also be misinterpreted. 

Johnny fell inlove with a writer and he hasn’t seen the world the same ever since. It’s like seeing his partner’s eyes similar to the shining stars, it’s the feeling of holding someone else’s hand in a form of reassurance, Jaehyun was art in human form— or so he thought. 

Loving him was like keeping a bad habit because it was the only thing left that could help you stay sane. Even if it meant he’d lose himself in the process of gaining Jaehyun’s love. 

“Here’s your box,” Jaehyun snapped him out of his circle of thoughts. Johnny thanked him and placed his favorite teddy bear inside the said box. 

“Would you like to keep this?” Jaehyun raised a small gift box, Johnny recognized what it was immediately. It was the box that kept all the poems Jaehyun wrote for him, from when they first started dating. 

“Yeah I will, how about this though?” Johnny asked as he showed Jaehyun the guitar he gave as a birthday gift. 

“I can keep it.. unless you want to take it?” Jaehyun tiptoed to get close to Johnny, their apartment was a mess. 

“Here you go,” Johnny handed the guitar to Jaehyun. 

They were awkward around eachother now, that was a given fact. Johnny couldn’t even distinguish if this was the relationship they used to have, or how long were they planning to beat around the bush. Ending a relationship was hard, but dealing with the aftermaths of it was even harder. 

“Let’s take a break for a while?” Jaehyun tapped his back, so he looked at him from behind. 

“.. We have to finish early though,” It wasn’t a lie, there was no use for Johnny to stay there any longer. But the truth was he couldn’t bear being in the same place as him as he was still emotionally unstable. 

“Come on John, it’ll be a quick break.” Jaehyun dragged him and they both plopped on the nearest couch. 

Their hands were both preoccupied with objects, they’re also both nervously fidgeting with the said objects. Until Jaehyun suggested that he sings a song. 

The strum of the guitar was the only noise, but the silence was definitely more defeaning. 

Jaehyun started singing, not that Johnny cared. But he felt sad that he’s not only letting his ex-lover go, but also his best friend. And that realization hurted him more. 

He opened the box and started reading the poems Jaehyun sent him before, the latter really had a way with words— he was a writer after all. Each words were flowery and pretty, perhaps a little too much that it was suffocating. 

_ August 9, 2018 _

_ looking at you was like staring at the sun, _

_ ever so mesmerizing that my breath hitches, _

_ i’ll never stop looking at you,  _

_ i’ll still love you even if it burns.  _

This was the first poem given to him, Johnny wanted to cringe now that he’s reading it. But it brought good memories as much as there were bad ones. 

_ December 18, 2018 _

_ i will always love you, _

_ more than i love writing,  _

_ more than you love coffees,  _

_ and more than anything.  _

Johnny looked up to see Jaehyun still playing the guitar, their eyes locked for a bit and Johnny didn’t exactly know what to feel. 

He was about to close the box when one paper got stucked in the process. Johnny took it and the poem wasn’t something he has read before. He’s sure because he always reads every poem Jaehyun gave him. 

  
  


_ July 27, 2020  _

_ i have you yet i don’t,  _

_ the covers know this but he won’t,  _

_ funny because it’s damaging my soul, _

_ that you’re not mine like the kisses you stole.  _

  
  


Johnny shouldn’t interpret it in any way, but a part of him knew what it meant even without asking the writer. He knew, but he blindly trusted too damn much. The couch he’s sitting on, did they tainted it? How about their bedroom? Did they made fun of him while they were together?

Before Johnny realized it, he was gripping hard on the paper and tears were streaming down his face non-stop. Jaehyun came closer to him, letting go of the guitar to ask him what was going on. A slap was the reply Johnny gave. 

“Johnny what’s wron—“ 

“Everything!” Johnny yelled with so much conviction that Jaehyun was rendered speechless. 

“Who’s him huh? Did he satisfy you? Was it fun— Did you have fun?” Johnny added. 

“Johnny, I’m very very sorry..” Jaehyun looked miserable, they were both miserable. His voice sounded like he was about to cry, but Johnny wouldn’t want to pity him just because of that. 

“What are you sorry for?” Johnny’s voice was hoarse and shaky. He’s overtaken by anger and frustration but he wanted to listen to Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun’s face was contorted, it’s as if he cannot say the reason. It’s like he cannot admit it to himself. 

“Tell me why you did it because i’m going to lose my mind if you dont!” Johnny threw the paper he crumpled across the room. “Jaehyun please!!” 

“I thought you didn’t love me-“ 

“Bullshit.” Johnny replied, his knees sinking as he cried. 

“Listen to me Johnny,” Jaehyun begged, “I wanted to stop liking him but I cannot. No matter how much I try he keeps on coming to me..” 

“And you kept on accepting him?” Johnny staggered, slowly losing his patience. Everything was too much. Jaehyun was too much. 

“I’m so sorry please please, I’m not asking you to forgive me b-but..” 

He couldn’t even listen as Jaehyun pleaded. He hadn’t thought of anything but Jaehyun, Jaehyun and Jaehyun. 

He has to think of himself and let himself breathe. He deserved better, so he asked Jaehyun one last wish. 

“Leave.” 


End file.
